The Top 10 Shitest films of all time

Welcome to the Shitfest

The world owes a lot to Russ Meyer, Ed Wood, and a score of other Shit directors who were too Shit to even rate a mention here. A body could fly around the globe three times and not get bored with the inflight movie program if it was anything like the list we present to you herein.

This list is not necessarily in order of Shitness - different movies take our fancy depending on our violent mood swings.

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What’s that up in the sky? …

1 The Giant Claw (1957)

Story has it that the cast and crew walked out of the premiere of the picture, because up to that point no one had seen the title character. One critic said, “The sight of this pathetic horror has been known to bring strong men to their knees in helpless laughter.” Have a mop and bucket on standby.

2 Leprechaun 4: In Space (1997)

Not the first, second or third, but the 4th Leprechaun movie! How? Why? Who cares, just laugh. Some trans-galactic bint is after Leppy’s golden goodies. And it all happens way off in the distant 21st Century. Wait, what?

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I don’t think we’re in Kansas, yet.

3 Hard Rock Zombies (1985)

A relatively piss-poor rock band are on a tour of the Mid-west, which includes a show in Dante’s Inferno. Simple story: band gets murdered by Nazis, raised from the dead, yadda yadda yadda … you know the sort of thing. Originally, this was only meant to be a “fake” movie that would play onscreen in the film American Drive-In. Somehow it ended up as a full-length feature. Hooray!

4 Glen or Glenda? (1953)

So you like the feeling of angora against your skin, right? Who doesn’t? Not Ed Wood Jr, that’s for sure. Apparently, he did NOT actually direct the film in drag, or so claimed his long-time friend Conrad Brooks. He was too much of a professional for that. He only wore drag when he was writing porno novels, later in his career. Phew!

5 Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill! (1965)

Two words: Tura Satana.

Only Tura Satana made murder sexy.

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They just don’t party like this anymore.

6 Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1970)

Sex, drugs and rock n’ roll, in Russ Meyer’s other masterpiece. Screenplay by, of all people, Roger Ebert, so you can guess that he gave it two thumbs up (up where, we can’t say). To quote from the highly quotable trailer: “It’s all here: love, rape, murder, dope, grass, abortion, suicide - something for everybody!” Heavy.

7 Spider Baby (1968)

Glen or Glenda had Bela Lugosi. Spider Baby has Lon Chaney Jr. And much more. Talk about a dysfunctional family … These weirdos will eat anything. The film’s original title was meant to be Cannibal Orgy. Nice. Later it was changed to The Liver Eaters. WTF?

8 Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

Get out your jazz flute, coz this one’s got Christina Applegate in it. Is it lame for us to just quote some lines from the picture?
Brian Fantana: [about Veronica] I’ll give this little cookie an hour before we’re doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up.
Garth Holliday: What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.
Ron Burgundy: It’s so damn hot … milk was a bad choice.

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First the jazz flute, then the bed flute.

9 Basket Case (1982)

Do your siblings piss you off? Consider yourself lucky you don’t have a murdering, deformed, separated siamese twin brother in a basket that you have to schlep all over New York in order the kill the people responsible for separating you. Shit, what a little bastard.

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Who would have guessed nuclear waste was so useful?.

10 The Toxic Avenger (1985)

Probably the pinnacle of the 80s low-budget schlock-horror-comedy-nerd revenge-mutant-snuff sex-splatter-superhero films. OK, so it’s intentionally bad, as are the 27 sequels. But, come on, it’s Troma, for Shit sake! Just watch it …

OK, this list goes up to 11:

11 Liquid Sky (1982)

They don’t get much weirder than this: tiny, invisible aliens land in - where else - New York, on the hunt for - what else - heroin. But they find something better …

We’d like to give to give honourable mentions to Peter “Lord of the Rings” Jackson for both Meet the Feebles, and Bad Taste, and may other classic Shitfests like Reefer Madness, Tod Browning’s Freaks, Repo Man, and, aw hell, the list is endless. Tells us yours.