Squirrel jumps on tea wagon

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emergency, squirrel! enters the
“gourmet” tea market

In a strategic redeployment of resources, Squirrel Holdings has made a huge commitment to the burgeoning “gourmet” tea market. "First it was herbal tea, then green tea, and white tea … Now we’ve got brown tea!" explained the new emergency, squirrel! tea baron, Tea Barron. “This neuvo “tea culture” fad is just the ticket for us. Bunches of hippies sitting around suckin’ down tea all day. They’ve got varieties with petals, twigs, rice bubbles even popcorn in it. Shit, they’ll drink anything!"

Finest quality
hand picked rocks
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The emergency, squirrel! marketing juggernaut has once again stepped up to the plate with an ad campaign that is sure to realise terrific returns on investment. These ads are pitched at the AB demo, who take their infused boiled water beverages extremely seriously. Images of cool mountain streams, and verdant green fields under deep azure skies fill the screen, while the reassuringly male voice-over explains how these rocks were organically grown and harvested by local workers, paid a decent return for their efforts. All without even a hint of sarcasm.

"These ads are pretty shmick," said Barron. "The stuff doesn’t look half bad. A couple of chockie biscuits and I’d probably drink it."

We think Mr Barron may have to imbibe quite a lot of it. "Since the construction division went belly up," he droned on "we’ve got mountains of these damn rocks that were supposed to end up in peoples driveways and Japanese gardens. I don’t know what the fuck else we’re gonna do with them, other than glue google eyes on them and sell them at church fetes."