Eco-friendly new rubber thing

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No need to hold on any longer

The white coats at es.Labs have done it again. With the imminent collapse of western society due … well … any day now, a way to reduce oil dependency AND emissions has been an absolute priority for the lads in Antwerp. And here it is: The emergency, squirrel! PECaN. It stands for Personal Emissions Capture and iNternment. Snappy name, guys. But what’s it do? Well, while everybody’s been all hot and bothered about carbon reduction and sequestering, no one has been worrying about that other greenhouse gas - methane.

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And the main source of methane: the GI tract of most animals, especially the ones that drink beer and eat curry. The PECaN is a breeze to install, and can trap several days’ worth of emissions before the necessity for a refit. This will be of great benefit to the environment, especially the environments of elevators, cinemas and taxi cabs.

But that’s only half the story. After a bag change, the inflated unit can be plugged straight into the family SUV for a huge performance boost, and take some of the strain off junior in his Kiddie Harness. Or, drive a household electricity system that can produce enough power to feed back into the grid, giving new meaning to the term wind generator. "All the greenies out there will be chowing down on lentils and cabbage before you can say sustainable farming practices," claimed product team leader Sven Oniononhedman.

It will come in several colours to help coordinate with the wearer’s business attire, and will cost 295 euro, so it’s virtually free energy, virtually. It’s just what you’ve come to expect from emergency, squirrel!

emergency, squirrel! - better out than in.