Category Archives: Featured

"Scientists" discover new sleeping disorder Wake up and smell the expletives Pencil necks at the emergency, squirrel! Labs claim to have discovered a new sleeping disorder that they are calling Tourettes Narcolepsy. Sufferers, they say, have a tendency to drop … Continue reading →

The noble Proboscis monkey – this one pictured below from Brunei. Randiest monkey in the world There’s gotta be some kind of evolutionary reason, right? One suggestion for the honker is that the chicks dig it. Really? Hey, what’s that … Continue reading →

Eco-friendly new rubber thing No need to hold on any longer The white coats at es.Labs have done it again. With the imminent collapse of western society due … well … any day now, a way to reduce oil dependency … Continue reading →

Squirrel jumps on tea wagon emergency, squirrel! enters the “gourmet” tea market In a strategic redeployment of resources, Squirrel Holdings has made a huge commitment to the burgeoning “gourmet” tea market. "First it was herbal tea, then green tea, and … Continue reading →

Squirrel acquires priceless Old Masters Squirrel Holdings purchases two treasures of the Dutch “Old School” "These paintings represent a major art investment by emergency, squirrel!, and will in time appreciate greatly in value,” said the curator of the Squirrel owned … Continue reading →

The Squirrel has landed! Consumers get Squirrel for peanuts!! FAdoinga Records & Tapes plans to maintain its policy of FREE downloads for ALL emergency, squirrel! tracks. "They’re just not worth selling," said FAdoinga mouthpiece Knutt Schnack. Despite this, downloads of … Continue reading →